


Realization.

by heatherissleepdeprived



Series: one-shots i write when im sleep deprived [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Depressed Sans (Undertale), Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inspired By Undertale, References to Depression, References to Undertale Genocide Route, Sans (Undertale) Needs a Hug, Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Undertale Genocide Route, Undertale Saves and Resets, Undertale Spoilers, cause i'm a piece of shit, cuz why not, undertale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-24 20:21:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20913536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatherissleepdeprived/pseuds/heatherissleepdeprived
Summary: His soul is washed over by with a strange feeling. Frustration? Hopelessness?Numbness?Or is it relief?In which Red has an existential crisis before turning away from his brother.Red is really fucked up in the head. Blame the human.Now I’ve think of it, its probably not realization. The poor dude probably has his brain whirring non-stop everyday.





	Realization.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an UnderFell fic! (I mean, u probably found this using tags so idk why I’m typing this but ok-)
> 
> WARNING: implied character death, one depressed boi and one genocidal toddler. srsly, this is an undertale fanfic, what do u expect??

Despite his little...problem, Sans' footsteps is loud, deafening in his (non-existent) ears as he crunches the snow beneath his sneakers, speeding through the pine forest he had grown to be wary of.

This is not the time to be on edge. He has more important matters to tend to.

He's tired. Of the scarf on the dust that was once a demanding, but tender brother. Of the hesitant, but attempted amiable tone he used as he spoke his last words. Of the betrayed, shameful look on his face as the human slashed off his head. It was always that same spot, on the fourth vertebrae. The image was etched into Sans' skull.

He's determined to stop all this.

Or is he?

The snow dampening his sneakers is loud, but so is his thoughts. His head hurts, with _guilt, sha<strike>me, </strike><strike>fury</strike>-_

He shook his skull, and ran faster, ignoring the pain on his left femur.

_You can't deny this everytime._

It's true. He can't deny that he doesn't feel as much for Paps than he used to, he spited the voice inside. Ironically, he's spiting himself too.

He chuckled (sadly) for a bit, then, realizing what he's doing, he ran faster.

(_He can’t allow himself to drown in his thoughts now. Not now, not ever. Yep, just let it bury deeper in his mind and let it reek itself.)_

Although if anyone's there, they would've seen how he'd stood still for seconds before frantically sprinting.

He might, just might (_really?), _not be sure about all of this. After all, what would happen if he breaks the loop the human had been maliciously repeating?

He tells himself that he's overthinking. Then he tells himself that overthinking is necessary. But then, he reasoned, nothing exceptionally bad _(ha)_ had happened in all of the previous runs, right? Then what is he hesitating about?

This is his brother he's talking about.

Why is he hesitating to _save_ him?

(_You’re a coward.)_

He feel something slip past his phalanges. Some kind of feeling, like what's full had been drained. 

_ <strike>His dust, scattered on the chilling snow, the picture complete with a red, blood-splattered scarf, he let his phalanges run through the dust, feeling the remains of him-</strike> _

Stars, he just wants to lay back in bed and sleep forever. He has found the empty void comfortable. It enables him to _escape_, to be free from everything that he's been cursed to live with. Sometimes he wondered how it would feel for him to just drown in that warm darkness.

Maybe, just maybe, he lost his care for his brother. Not only for him, but for everyone. Everything. This world has become more like a cage than anything else.

His soul is washed over by with a strange feeling. Frustration? Hopelessness?

Numbness?

Or is it relief? 

<strike> _Of everything he’s cursed to go through, the blood, the violence, the dust of his morals, the l.o.v.e, the injections, his own dust - finally, he’s gone numb, ahaha, why is it a relief? i dont fucking know why are you asking yourself? Go die or something, its not like it fucking matters, you cant even end his own life without being alive again, alive, alive - its a curse now, huh, you’re such a fucking coward _ </strike>

Sans doesn't know. He doesn't know much these days.

He's reaching the edge of the forest. He can see his brother, although with his attacks aiming to kill, is beginning to lessen his scowl.

(_Something he had spent his whole life teaching him not to do, although it doesn’t really matter now, huh)_

Somehow, Sans has no intent to kill the child. The child is seriously fucked up, yes, but he’s tired(_Admitting now?). _His body too tired, his soul too pained to actually do anything.

The child smiles at Papyrus. A warm, genuine grin. (_it’s fake, but he’s impressed how it can fool everyone. Guess they have something in common.) _How long will it take this time, for that ray of sunshine to freeze his soul?

He stops in his tracks, watching, as Papyrus approaches the child. There was no wariness. Only confusion, and a tiny bit of hope.

Like a small flame, flickering in Paps’ soul.

Something he had lost a long, long time ago.

<strike> _(Where has this determination come from, anyway? It’s useless.)_ </strike>

Maybe, next time.

Sans turns away as a strangled gasp echoed behind him, and a thud as something dropped.

Maybe, just maybe. He laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaitstoosuddenaaaaaaaaa;-;
> 
> Red can't teleport cause his magic is draining cause of loss of hope.  
and the limp is becuz his left femur has been damaged. Ya know, gaster is a lil shit.
> 
> Review plz i suck /:3


End file.
